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Posted at 3/16/2012 02:22:00 PM
" When you're with someone, you're not only attached to their future & present, but you're also attached to their past. and every single things that happen in the past, will immedietly affect you silently. Even if it's the past. "
It has immedietly occur to me that no matter how hard you fight jealousy, it always knows of a way to eat you up . and let you to die in peace. Because even if you can't see it happen, you can actually feel it happen. Even if you don't exist in a person's life before. And the memories of their past will continue to haunt you even though it's the past. You try so hard to be just like them ,or even better but the fact that you're not them, eats you up. And no matter how many times he says you're better, you just couldn't believe it. No matter how many people tries to convince you, you just feel like curling into a ball and cry . And every emo songs he listens to , makes me wonder what he's thinking of. whether or not, he's thinking about the past or he just likes the lyrics. But then, what am I gonna say ? It's just a song.
And there we go again , I don't like to listen to stories about the past, but what can I say ? each of us has our pasts, and if I were to talk about my past, it would make you as equally painful as I am now. Just last few days I read a blog about relationships, and I totally agree when she says when you marry someone, you marry his past too. I forgot which blog already, but I totally agree with it.
And feeling even more insecure , because I know she's prettier.
The other day, we promised not to talked about the past, I manage to keep it. But I don't know why is it so hard for you? I know even if it's the bad stuff she did, it still pains me . it's nothing really, it's just that, to think that you still remember it, the thought kills me. It makes me think that you love her more. And you can't forget all the stuff you guys did together in the past. I'm not that strong . I don't like spending my time crying, but then again, I like to cry . It stops me from feeling the pain. It takes away the pain I feel. I know you know that.
I don't even have the heart to tell you. I'm a coward. But really it's nothing much . It's just me. Maybe I'm having my PMS. Because there are people doing things to me, saying things to me. But I didn't tell you. I couldn't let you feel what I was feeling. But at the same time I feel guilty for not telling you. I don't like to see you angry. Because when you're angry you'll do stupid things. But what can I do ? I told you, I'm a coward.
I don't know what to do.
Truth is, everyone's gonna hurt you. But you just have to find the one that's worth the pain.