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Forgive me, I was young.
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Posted at 10/11/2016 12:02:00 AM
When I was younger, I was afraid of commitments. Been through a lot in my life and learnt that I can't trust anyone. Sometimes I would also wonder, what will marriage life be? Would I get bored or would that person of the opposite sex get bored of me? Will I run out of jokes to make, or worse if we run out of topics to converse. That's what would get me so afraid of commitments.
Then I would look at old people living their marriage life. There are good ones, but also bad ones. I've seen through a lot. There are also those marriages goals like two old couple still holding hands or how an old uncle pushing his old wife on the wheel chair, leaning towards her from the side, despite difficulty - they both still able to laugh together. I've not seen a scene like this, rather similar. But I do hope that one day I would get to experience it with my husband. Maybe not wheel chair bound; but the both of us together still lovey dovey, making jokes & making all the people around us sick from our sweetness.
After my 2012 break up, I vowed to only be with someone if I'm sure of it. Late 2012 I met someone who was as
I still remember one car ride home during my secondary school year. It was afternoon, and my father had just picked me up from school. I still remember the traffic light was red as I thought "If I have commitment issues, won't I get bored with my future husband? If I can't last longer than 4 months with a boy, how can I last more than 4 years?" exactly were my thoughts. I was just like any other school girl dreaming of her Prince Charming, doodling it down on my notepad.
Nevertheless, there is the guy who solved my commitment issues. Who made me fall in love with his witty jokes, big smiles and small eyes. There is the guy who knows me inside and outside. Who regards my problems as his. He is the guy who's there for me no matter what happens. We argue, we fight but we'll definitely recover and each time he would be the one saying "It's always me having to say I'm sorry first" because he knows our fights won't resolve as my ego is bigger than his.
There is the guy who gives me advices without me asking because he knows. The guy who sense when I'm sad or angry. The guy who laughs at all my lame jokes of nothing. Who surprises me with just about anything & the one who drives me around to places I want to go. He, who tolerate my flaws. The one who makes lame jokes with me, and the one who entertain my abnormalities such as laughing my by myself or when I say funny things to people.
He is also the one who said I DO together with me during our marital ceremony.
We finally signed on the 1st of October, 2016; four years after we got together. Thus opening up a new chapter of both of our lives.
*tears of joy* we've come a long way!
What makes me happier during the day was both side family attended, and even my best friend became my marital witness. All my love ones in one small room at the government office, witnessing the opening of our new chapter together. ♥
Also, *snickers* I'm finally Xavier's legal step mom hehehehe
How I feel now that I'm legally married? Well the feeling's the same. I'm still in love with him more than ever. We still get into tiny fights which resolves with laughter. The only difference I told him was that now I have to put married in my marital status in govt forms / must be regarded as Mrs also. I am still afraid as ever. Nonetheless, it's a matter my future self will have to think about for now. I don't regret my decision because I believe, at this moment, with him I believe in forever.
After we signed, wished him all the best in his future endeavor with me. HAHAHA he's trap forever with me.